Lightening Up

Has this ever happened to you?

I have only one pair of scissors in the house – long story, but perhaps this little tale helps splain it.

Because there’s only one pair, I’m very conscientious about where it’s kept – on a hook in the kitchen. A few days ago I had just finished wrapping gifts, and put the scissors back in their proper place. Yesterday I came home with a few more to wrap. As usual, the rugs in the place were all surfed away by a recent kitty stampede, including the small Persian rug outside the bathroom. I put it back, and dust-busted the few scatterings of litter that always evidences a recent feline rampage, and turned to the task at hand.

The scissors weren’t there. Not on their hook, not on the table, or the counter, or the desk. Nowhere to be found.

Not amused. I had deadlines. The post awaited. I would not be deterred. So I stood in the kitchen and somewhat calmly and very firmly demanded to the air, “Ok, Tim. I need the scissors back now. Pronto. Immediately. No fooling. Goddammit.” I then strode to the bedroom, and stepped on the scissors lying on the rug in front of the bathroom. They were lying there fully open, as if laughing at my poor and feeble terrestrial seriousness and lack of a sense of humor.

Thanks, Tim. And ha, ha.