From The Archives: Playing Pinball in The Mind

[First Posted 4/14/06 - this is more privately detailed info from Tim about his transition that did not make it into the book, which readers may find insightful.]


Tim shares about some of his initial experience after awakening from the healing transitional sleep:

"Every person experiences an individualized transition, in-formed — or manifested — by their unique 'fingerprint' of vibration. This vibration is both qualitative and quantitative in continually varying amounts. In the Risen geographies, vibration is tantamount to aware consciousness — which is significantly different than that which August has called 'conscious awareness.' Rather than try to explain this in terrestrial terms, I ask that you just contemplate the different feelings that come with the different arrangement of these two words. Thinking — which is another way to say 'wording'— can get one into all kinds of interesting situations in the etheric-astral spaces of Risen being. Even more succinctly, the inability to control wording after being unable to control the rising of thoughts can really put one on a monster roller coaster!

"Beneath the unique vibrational aspects of a transition lies a basic principle of spirit. These basic principles are rules of thumb, directly set by the Creator Source and cannot be altered — at least by a native. (By native, I mean someone Risen who was 'born' in the Risen lands, as opposed to an entity of group souls who directly channel True Creative Source Intention.) The Creator Source has left its thumbprints all over the ground-fabric, or matrix, of any universe, realized or potential — rather like an artist leaving his prints within and on the surface of his painting, or sometimes, more formally pressed into sealing wax, which is much easier to see, as is intended.

"This particular basic principle is that feelings and words manifest as material reality. This same principle is also imprinted on the fabric of your terrestrial universe, although the peculiar nature of time there considerably slows down its active elements, so it's difficult to wait around and watch to see it happening. Here, however, it's experienced as instantaneous. If you have little control over your feelings and thoughts before you Rise, then you will have the same lack of control after you Rise. Like me.

"The instant I began to think, something manifested. The instant that something manifested, I reacted with another feeling-thought — many of them — and so something else manifested — to which I reacted and which produced yet another manifestation. The basic manifestations that occur usually first and foremost are environmental. So in one instant I found myself in a different place, to be immediately replaced by another geography — and on and on and on. I can liken the experience to being a ball in a pinball machine -- whoa! bam! wham! zip! ouch! eek! yikes! whoa! zowie! jesus christ! duck! Instant TILT!!

"It was also like being each and every card in a deck of cards being flipped by a Las Vegas pro's legerdemain while the pro was being juggled by a family troupe of chinese gymnasts and they were being tossed out of a jet plane with no parachutes. Believe me, you don't want to see what heavenly puke looks like.

"I don't know how long this went on until I stumbled on another basic thumbprint, which was activated by my asking for help. Actually, I didn't ask, I screamed help!

"In that instant, everything stopped and I was let gently down into a very quiet, very non-moving meadow of soft yellow flowers (yellow is the tone of stilled mentality. . . hmmmm.....I remember that valium was yellow . . . coincidence?

"Of course, in my case, 'monkey mind' started chattering to itself about what had just happened, which had the effect of another quarter being inserted into the pinball machine.

"Eventually, I learned to just lie still in the flowers, but not after learning that their wonderful scent and other sensual elements also stimulated more feeling-thinking, and hence more manifestations.

"I could have cut down on the astral nausea considerably if I had learned to be mentally still while on Earth. I had started practicing meditation within a certain Eastern school of thought, but I guess I didn't get very far.

"The kind of feeling that arises will give the whole feeling tone and appearance to the manifested environment. It grows the manifestation, the environment, the entire world. A main feeling that arises here, unfortunately, is fear — and its monkey-on-the-back companion, worry. Just like on Earth, I got the two mixed up, which made for all kinds of fun. I now know that fear is present-oriented, while worry is future-oriented. It's like this: if you're in a burning building, that's reality and in the present — you have fear and so leave the building. If you're in a building that's not burning, but worry that it might catch on fire, that's the future, and not reality. But there's a belief as if something's burning, and it is — in your mind. So here, the thought kindles the event, and the building suddenly bursts into flames, because you're in your mind. Even if you're 'out of your mind', you're still in your mind. There, on Earth, something would burst into flames as well — but not right away, but eventually, due to the delay aspects of time there. And just like here, being out of your mind is still in your mind. There's no getting away from it, other than short-circuiting and shutting down. Which is a frequent response within the first few cosmic seconds upon awakening as Risen. Most experience it as a kind of blackout, and others, on the other end of the scale, as a coma. Apparently, some of us can only arrive at mental stillness as a vegetable. I wholly recommend that people on Earth study some kind of mental control — your life will not only become easier and more serene while embodied, but upon transition to the Risen state as well.

"One last thing — fear, like worry, is an illusion; neither are necessary."

Of course, as I'm very fond of saying, it sounds and looks great on paper. I happen to know that Tim had some very challenging and intense periods of learning to undergo in order to gain control of his mental processes. One of the psychological tests I sometimes give to therapy patients who suffer from acute general anxiety disorder is called the White Bear Suppression Inventory, because the clinical researcher who developed it found that if he asked people to not think of a white bear, and then to ring a bell every time they thought of one, a lot of bell ringing happened. What's more, they continued to be unable to stop thinking of a white bear even after the testing period was over, for hours or even days.

This approach to looking at worry, or non-present awareness, is precisely the goal of 'negation' that was discussed in an earlier posting. In my own research of the scientific literature around memory studies, I've yet to find any that have arrived in a significant way at this concept — which is a spiritual rule of thumb — in order to get off the seemingly unending traffic circle of the mind. Tim learned it as a Risen person. I've been learning it as a terrestrial-embodied person, and while it doesn't appear that many people have arrived at this principle of the multi-layered experience of what Tim calls aware consciousness, it seems as if there's beginning to be a kind of "experiential bleed-through" from the higher astral-etheric realms into our lower, less spiritually organized one.

[The negation I discussed in an earlier post was about my ability, as taught from the Risen, to negate a chronic disabling physical condition, achieved by not having any thinking about it whatsoever, which also meant negating thoughts about the condition ever having existed to begin with. Because I referred to it in this post, there was thinking and words about it, which conferred reality upon it and so it returned in the night. I was able to negate it again in order to get sleep, and of course, realize that the same situation is arising here as I write about it. This time, however, I'll tend to it before bed!]